There are times, sadly, when your very best just never seems to be good enough. It’s not because you lack the ability to do your best, but because the system does not want you to succeed at doing your best.
For those of you who follow and like this page I want to update you all on what has been going on, or not, and how this has affected my daughter, her daughters and our family in general. Continue reading When Your Best is Not Enough
It is always heartbreaking for me to read private messages from parents who have been put through an absolute nightmare by their exes, their exes families and friends, and in particular those in local authority and in Police forces who could have done so much more to help alleviate their issues. Continue reading Change….or Not……
There are those of you out there who may be new to the game of Parental Alienation and who may not yet have heard of the term ‘flying monkey’, these are people that a narcissist uses to do their bidding.
There are times such as in our case when the lead narcissist will not personally attack you publicly in any way because to do so would make them look bad, but what they will do is privately tell those carefully chosen people how evil and awful you are, how you walked away and deserted your children, how you had numerous affairs, how you were a bad mother or father, it does not matter, they’ll use any and all ways and means of making you look like you are the bad one here, so long as it makes them look good.
Continue reading Don’t be a Flying Monkey in 2016
I’ve been awake since two thirty am thinking about my grandson’s #JoshandArchieMcKay after having a long conversation with my daughter about them earlier in the day. Sleep is always hard to find for me when my daughter is so distressed by how much she misses her two boys.
My oldest grandson Josh will be 11 years old tomorrow, it is another year where we will not help him celebrate this birthday because we have been denied access to him for so long now that he has been so brainwashed into thinking his mum and the rest of us are such bad people.
Continue reading When do I let go?
Gardner’s 8 symptoms of Parental Alienation
Richard A. Gardner M.D. Clinical Professor of Child Psychiatry at Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeon says that these are the 8 symptoms of Parental Alienation Continue reading Is Your Child Being Alienated a Checklist for Alienated Parents
Here are some useful links for all parents, siblings and grandparents who are being actively alienated from their children, siblings or grandchildren
Nick Child, family therapist and retired child and family psychiatrist (whose website and words you’re reading) attended the event “Changing the Culture” on 31st August 2012 in Edinburgh – click here for programme and click here to download the full report of the event held at the Murray Stable. The event was mainly for and about family lawyers and the courts, and an imminent forthcoming review triggered by an infamous case “B v G”. There were contributions from others including the Scottish Child Law Centre, Families Need Fathers, and Women’s Aid. Since then other discussions have helped improve the picture and information in Scotland.
Continue reading Useful links for parents being alienated from their children 2015
Lately we’ve all be hearing about the case of a young mum #RebeccaMinnock who has gone on ‘the run’ with her small son Ethan. Whilst I DO NOT condone anything that is illegal in this case without knowing all the facts the press and the public on social media seem to be vilifying this young woman for her actions.
It was not that long ago that the press reported sensationally on the parents of a disabled boy who ‘ran’ with him to Spain and then onward’s so they could seek the right kind of medical treatment for him. In the end I’m not even sure if that family got any sort of official apology.
Yet here we are again, commenting and reporting on the case of #RebeccaMinnock as if we all know all the facts. Many dads groups are up in arms about this, outraged and saying if this was a dad it would be a lot worse, how so, that other parent would still be going through the torment and anguish of not knowing where that child was, the full force of the Law (which is a bit of an ass in my opinion when it comes to family matters such as PAS) would still apply. Continue reading The Rebecca Minnock Story
1. Rage – This is an intense, furious anger that comes out of nowhere, usually over nothing (remember the wire hanger scene from the movie “Mommie Dearest”). It startles and shocks the parent of the adult child into compliance or silence. Attacking actions and bullying behaviours are frequent.
2. Gaslighting – Narcissistic mental abusers lie about the past, making their aging parent doubt their memory,perception, and sanity. They claim and give evidence of their “past wrong behaviour”further causing doubt. The parent might even begin to question what they said a minute ago.
3. The Stare – This is an intense stare with no feeling behind it. It is designed to scare a victimised parent into submission, and is frequently mixed with the silent treatment.
4. Silent Treatment – Narcissist Adult Children punish by ignoring. Then they let their victimised parent “off the hook” by demanding an apology even though the parent isn’t to blame. This is to modify the victimised parent’s behaviour. It is nothing short of mind control indoctrination. Narcissist adult children also have a history of cutting their parents and other family members out of their lives and the lives of beloved grandchildren permanently over small, inconsequential or made-up things.
5. Projection – They dump their issues onto their victimised parent as if the parent(s) were the one doing it. For instance, narcissistic mentally abusive adult children may accuse their parent of lying when they (the narcissist) have lied. Or they make the parent feel guilty when the narcissist is really guilty. This creates confusion, doubt and uncertainty in the mind of the aging parent.
6. Twisting – When narcissist adult children are confronted, they will twist everything around to blame their victimised parent for their actions. They will not accept responsibility for their behaviour and insist that their parent apologise to them.
7. Manipulation – A tactic is for the narcissist adult child to make their parent fear the worst, such as abandonment, estrangement, rejection and withholding of grandchildren. Then they refute it and ask the parent for something they normally would reply with “No.” This is a control tactic to get the parent to agree to do something they normally wouldn’t.
8. Victim Card – When all else fails, the narcissist adult child will resort to playing the victim card. This is to gain sympathy and further control the victimised parent.
It is the systematic denigration of the non-resident parent by the resident parent with the intent of alienating children against the non-resident parent. The pattern of PAS behaviour is common to some degree or other in all custody disputes.
Children who have been alienated will claim that it is their own decision to reject the non-resident parent. Once this happens, it could be several years before the non-resident parent will see their children again.
Dr Richard Gardner MD Continue reading The Symptoms and Side Effects of PAS
Here’s a stellar example of two divorced parents handling an exchange. Parents have an obligation to act this way.