Category Archives: A Grandparents Loss

Eight Tacticts Narcissistic Adult Children Commit Against Grandparents

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1. Rage – This is an intense, furious anger that comes out of nowhere, usually over nothing (remember the wire hanger scene from the movie “Mommie Dearest”). It startles and shocks the parent of the adult child into compliance or silence. Attacking actions and bullying behaviours are frequent.

2. Gaslighting – Narcissistic mental abusers lie about the past, making their aging parent doubt their memory,perception, and sanity. They claim and give evidence of their “past wrong behaviour”further causing doubt. The parent might even begin to question what they said a minute ago.

3. The Stare – This is an intense stare with no feeling behind it.  It is designed to scare a victimised parent into submission, and is frequently mixed with the silent treatment.

4. Silent Treatment – Narcissist Adult Children punish by ignoring. Then they let their victimised parent “off the hook” by demanding an apology even though the parent isn’t to blame. This is to modify the victimised parent’s behaviour.   It is nothing short of mind control indoctrination.  Narcissist adult children also have a history of cutting their parents and other family members out of their lives and the lives of beloved grandchildren permanently over small, inconsequential or made-up things.

5. Projection – They dump their issues onto their victimised parent as if the parent(s) were the one doing it. For instance, narcissistic mentally abusive adult children may accuse their parent of lying when they (the narcissist) have lied. Or they make the parent feel guilty when the narcissist is really guilty. This creates confusion, doubt and uncertainty in the mind of the aging parent.

6. Twisting – When narcissist adult children are confronted, they will twist everything around to blame their victimised parent for their actions. They will not accept responsibility for their behaviour and insist that their parent apologise to them.

7. Manipulation – A  tactic is for the narcissist adult child to make their parent fear the worst, such as abandonment, estrangement, rejection and withholding of grandchildren. Then they refute it and ask the parent for something they normally would reply with “No.” This is a control tactic to get the parent to agree to do something they normally wouldn’t.


8. Victim Card – When all else fails, the narcissist adult child will resort to playing the victim card. This is to  gain sympathy and further control the victimised parent.

Grandparent Alienation is Pathological Child Abuse

By Glenn Ross Caddy Ph.D., A.B.P.P., F.A.P.A.

drglenncaddy@mind-experts.com

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“There is no question but that unless there is legitimate (and verifiable) reason to prevent the grandparents and children from enjoying a complete family life together [such justification may be the true psychological pathology or physical abuse of the children by the grandparent[s], that the alienation of children from their loving grandparents by one or both parents is pathological and constitutes child abuse. This is simply because grandparents play an important role for the children in defining the depth and family and the support system of love inherent in the family just as uncles and aunts and cousins contribute to the breadth of the family surrounding the support, love, and well-being of the children. These people are far more than friends, they are blood and they are love.

Tragically, it is common with alienation that when one set of grandparents or both sets are the victims of alienation the entire family on at least one side is estranged and splintered. The children who suffer this alienation have no context of cohesiveness or normalcy in of extended family life. They do not learn or know normalcy and they suffer profound emotional consequences therefrom. I have treated people in their 30’s and 40’s who came to realize in the context of the therapy that they were the victims of parental [and grandparent] alienation and their suffering has ranged between confusion and unimaginable psychic pain and psychopathology.”

Love Yourself, You are Worth It

 

Athis grandmanyone who was ever estranged from a family member will know that we spend vast amounts of time and energy thinking about what we did or said that was wrong, that made them turn from us or us from them.

 

But, just as we cannot control how others behave we can of course control or manage how WE behave, as soon as we have accepted that simple fact and realise that none of us are perfect we can move forward and it is then that we begin to realise that it is probably not us who are the problem, but it is the other person involved who is. Continue reading Love Yourself, You are Worth It

Do Grandparents Have Any Rights?

I am often asked what grandparent’s rights are. When grandparents have been denied access to their grandchildren.

The sad and horrible truth is that grandparents do not have an automatic right to contact with their grandchildren. However, family courts do recognise the invaluable role that grandparents have to play in their grandchildren’s lives and it is very rare that the court would refuse a grandparent access to grandchildren unless there is evidence of abuse or violence. Continue reading Do Grandparents Have Any Rights?

A Letter to my Alienated Grandsons August 14th 2014

Josh and ArchieFor Josh and Archie … This has been a long hard week for me. I was in court this week after having been accused of something I did not do. Fortunately the Judge believed my witnesses and my testimony and found me not guilty, but that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with or make the hurt go away.

Today is the 14th August 2014. It’s been more than 18 months since we last saw you and not a single day has gone by when I have not thought about you both. Continue reading A Letter to my Alienated Grandsons August 14th 2014