I was recently invited to ‘like’ another Facebook Community page dealing with Parental Alienation, but before I could hit that little ‘like’ radio button I had to give the whole why thing some thought, and these were the conclusions that I came to and wrote to the page owner on.
I find it quite horrifying, yet at the same time inspiring, that the number of community pages and groups, private or public, dealing with the insidious evil that is Parental Alienation seems to be exploding on the great big wide world of the Internet and social media.
This cannot be a good thing, yet it is not a bad thing either, in fact in my opinion it goes to show that finally people are beginning to wake up to this subject and everything it entails and the modern ways in which we can find ever more increasing ways to hurt one another.
I think when we become adults who enter into loving, trusting relationships, with people we hope to spend the rest of our lives with, we tend to forget just how painful ‘hurt’ by someone you once loved, is and can be.
Just as for some people pain causes physical changes to our bodies, the psychological pain we feel also causes massive changes in our cognitive functioning. It has to, how else can a once loving, caring person inflict such pain on another otherwise?
And whilst we are too busy maximising the pain we can cause to the ‘other’ person, we are forgetting who is actually suffering the most, all of these alienated children.
Parents who alienate are so intent on destroying the ‘other person’ that every other rational thought is replaced by ideas on how to seek and deliver vengeance. I believe that deep, deep down inside of all of us lives a very primal person, who when dormant is that other loving, caring, responsible person, but hit that person on the head with the divorce club and crash, bang, wallop,….out comes that monster.
I am an alienated grandparent. My daughter has been, and is being actively alienated from her two sons by her ex-husband for four years and counting now, 3 of her daughters are alienated from their brothers, we are all refused any sort of access, and the Law does nothing to help, even the recent changes in UK Law on Domestic Violence are still not being taken seriously by Police Forces, certain parts of Police Scotland need dragging into the 21st century where ‘it’s just a domestic’ is still the case, and all parts of Police Scotland need to be singing from the same hymn sheet, not one area telling parents that they’ll not be charged with ‘kidnapping their own children’ while another area says’ if you go near your children, or try to remove them from their school, we WILL arrest you for trying to kidnap your own children’, I seriously think it would do Police Scotland a great service if they actually even understood what the words ‘Parental Rights and Responsibilities’ meant.
Parental Alienation, does not just effect families, it effects officialdom too. The Police Scotland scenario is just one area, Social Work departments are another, where the head of Children’s Services does not believe that the UNCRC applies to her office, yet this is the very building block upon which the Scottish Government have built GIRFEC upon. Some of us, like me and a quite a few others I have spoken with are left wondering what we paid (she retired in 2015) this person in excess of £70,000 per year for seriously….
I cannot for the life of me work it all out in some sensible way, nor do I think I ever will. It is like my left hand slapping my face, while my right hand soothes it. It is bureaucracy at its very best.
So it is with a heavy heart that I am here once again, ‘liking’ yet another Parental Alienation page. I began writing my own blog on this subject after being subjected to some pretty wild accusations about my behaviour which led to a two day trial, which found me not guilty I am pleased to say, and the Judge, well I can only commend him on his use of common sense, he actually saw this case for what it was, and commented on the fact that he neither believed the testimony of the Crown’s witnesses and was appalled and critical of the police officers bragging about how he had dug hard to find the legislation with which to arrest me. This one solitary Judge only saw an acrimonious family divorce that had begun to filter down to those of us trying to protect our own hurt, grown child and grandchildren from being kept apart from each other.
And now four years and counting on I ask myself have we truly learned anything at all? Well yes we have, the first part is that those with the power to affect change do not always wish to, that those with the power to intervene and support (social work departments) do not, they are either overworked, understaffed or simply do not understand, or want to understand the intricacies of Parental Alienation, nor do they like it when a grandparent with no formal university training tells them which parts of the UNCRC they are failing ALL of my grandchildren on, and as for Police Scotland, whilst I am not tarring all of the police officers with the same brush, the majority of those I have dealt with so far have turned a deaf ear and a blind eye to not only the Law as it stands on Domestic Violence, but also to the almost daily physical and mental abuse of my daughter and our family.
No one except pages like this, and mine, and the many countless others actually seem to give a damn, and whilst the alienators and their flying monkeys become ever emboldened by the lack of any authority prepared to deal with them, the worse it all gets, the messier and stickier it all becomes, the only people not gaining anything from this are the children being alienated who alongside their siblings, ‘other parent’ and extended family members will experience nothing more other than a lifetime of mental anguish and pain.
And love? Well as Tina Turner once sang……’what’s love got to do with it’……