Change….or Not……

 

13051612_1332825470148956_2331497483106312452_n

Change…..or Not…..

It is always heartbreaking for me to read private messages from parents who have been put through an absolute nightmare by their exes, their exes families and friends, and in particular those in local authority and in Police forces who could have done so much more to help alleviate their issues.

We are constantly being told that Child Protection is the ‘biggest thing’ and that local authorities and Police forces try to get it right, and that ‘domestic violence’ and the changes in the Law, particularly in Scotland are supposed to have changed ‘attitudes’ and ‘perspectives’, I am sorry to say that this is NOT what I read, nor is it what I have experienced.

I get messages from parents, of both sexes, who say that no matter how much information, evidence, pictures and diaries they keep and provide to both Local Authorities and Police it is never enough.

They are told that the matter concerning their children and their exes are ‘civil matters’. There is absolutely nothing civil about a man or a woman who deliberately goes out of their way to make that other persons life an absolute hell, with false accusations, lies, and the very public ripping apart and often slander of that other persons character, and worse of all is denying the other person any access to their children and telling them if they come near where their children live they will get ‘seven bells kicked out of them’, but unless there are witnesses to corroborate these threats it’s all ‘he says, she says’.

Something has to change.

I have personally come across police officers who have acted like things that have gone on are all my fault, I have been told that if I can’t stand the heat then I should shut down my pages, what sort of help and support is that? Never mind that aspect of how it’s okay for someone to slander me and threaten me on social media, and in person, but it doesn’t really matter and they get away with it, because it becomes a ‘he says, she says’ situation, yet I know I am not alone in experiencing this, there are many parents and grandparents out there who are going through this just like I did on a daily basis.

I have recordings where a certain Police officer told me I was doing nothing wrong then a few weeks later had me arrested because they conveniently found ‘hand-prints’ on my grandsons bedroom windows, the said windows were over a 4 foot fence, then I was supposed to have been able to get passed his dogs, then climb over a 6 foot gate and reach a bedroom window that was around 5 foot high, all while I had broken vertebrae in my spine and was using either crutches or a wheelchair.

And I still never got any explanation as to whose ‘hand-print’ was found on their window. But then this was the same officer who accused me of ‘causing arguments’ at a school meeting at which I had been invited to attend.

Perhaps it is time now to publish those recordings since it clearly shows the type of aggressive attitude that certain police officers have to parents and grandparents who won’t just roll over and give them an easy time of it.

Unless you come across a police officer who is going through a bitter divorce or separation and is being stopped by their ex of seeing their kids you have not got a hope in hell, to Police and Children’s Services the issue of Parental Alienation/Pathogenic Parenting just doesn’t exist.

Things MUST change.

We as a society have learned nothing from the days of the 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s where domestic abuse was well ‘just a domestic’.

We have been told that the system and attitudes to domestic violence have changed, actually it has not changed, it has just been swept under the carpet very quietly, we have heard that Police officers are supposed to have come a long way in ‘learning to unlearn certain types of behaviour and acceptance’ where domestic violence is concerned, but the reality is that nothing much has changed at all.

Local authorities are just as bad when they dig their heels in, and how dare any parent or grandparent ever question their actions or the outcomes of their actions, how dare parents or grandparents ever be educated enough to research their own and their children’s rights, how dare we ever learn anything about the Law, or how departments like Social Work actually work, what their remit is, and what the complaints procedure is when we are not satisfied with an outcome.

How dare we…….

Perth and Kinross Council may not be the worst of the offenders out there but again our personal experience with them has been such that again it all becomes a ‘civil matter’, yet they still refuse to accept that legally a mother (or a father) who still has their parental rights is entitled to information about their children, but in their answer to you, they advise that their refusal to provide any information is based on what their legal team have advised, how dare we not accept this and just shut up….

Perth and Kinross Council state on their website that ‘It is everyone’s responsibility to protect children’, that includes Perth and Kinross Council staff, yet in 2013 I received an email from the then head of Children’s Services Alison Irvine with the following

Alison Irvine <AIrvine@pkc.gov.uk>
9/19/13

to Margaret, Irene, me, Joyce, Caroline

Please can I have some indications over how these figures will be improved for when I am publically thrashed !

Alison Irvine
Head of Service
Children and Families’ Services
Education and Children’s Services
Perth and Kinross Council
Pullar House
35 Kinnoull Street
Perth PH1 5GD
Tel: 01738 476205
e-mail – airvine@pkc.gov.uk

The subject was: Please review comments for inclusion in Committeee report – required by Monday

Needless to say there were failures across the board in Child Protection, this information came to me at a time when we were at our most concerned for the health and well-being of our grandsons ( and at that time 5 year old granddaughter too)

I then received an email telling me to disregard this information and I quote here

‘Dear Mrs Miller,

You may have read an e mail which was sent to you in error last night by myself when your name was selected in error by the automatic ‘To’ facility . I would request that you discard this information which is part of our normal reporting and scrutiny process ( which is reported on publically) , and for which I was seeking up to date explanations for timescales’

Alison Irvine
Head of Service
Children and Families’ Services
Education and Children’s Services
Perth and Kinross Council
Pullar House
35 Kinnoull Street
Perth PH1 5GD
Tel: 01738 476205
e-mail – airvine@pkc.gov.uk

Now let me see…..the words…’for when I am publicly thrashed’ and ‘discard this information which is part of our normal reporting and scrutiny process ( which is reported on publically)’ do not quite marry up in my view.

When it comes to transparency within local authorities it is all as clear as mud.

Anyone who wishes to see this table which according to Alison Irvine is reported on ‘publically’ (to use her spelling) is welcome to it please send me your email address and I shall forward it to you.

So you may now see why it is so important that both Police agencies and local authorities get it right, and when they don’t they should be publicly held accountable, but are quite often not.

In 2013/14 we were told by Alison Irvine that the UN Conventions on the Rights of the Child did NOT apply to her office yet last year (2014) the Scottish Government made it abundantly clear that their new flagship policy GIRFEC – Getting it Right for Every Child was in actual fact based upon the UNCRC and was ‘the foundation of Getting it right for every child’.

So who are we supposed to believe and trust, when one very highly paid individual openly contradicts what the Scottish Government are actually putting into Law.

I personally think that GIRFEC will be a good thing for Scottish children, it may well shine a light into those otherwise darkened areas such as Parental Alienation/Pathogenic Parenting, those types of parenting and behaviours where children are coerced into making accusations about absent parents, where children are made to feel so guilty about loving another parent that they lie to keep the resident parent happy, that isn’t parenting, that is child abuse,and these are the places where social workers and educational staff do not wish to venture yet we are asked to believe that ‘It is everyone’s responsibility to protect children’

But who will protect our children and grandchildren, when those who are paid to do this will not……

Anyone who wishes information on GIRFEC and what it all means can find it by clicking on the link.

Yet I can already see ways in which our particular local authority can mess even this up……

Sadly as yet in our experience …NOTHING has changed….

http://www.pkc.gov.uk/…/…/Information-for-Parents-and-Carers