When Your Best is Not Enough

12987036_1324385014326335_4263760879647503301_n

 

There are times, sadly, when your very best just never seems to be good enough. It’s not because you lack the ability to do your best, but because the system does not want you to succeed at doing your best.

For those of you who follow and like this page I want to update you all on what has been going on, or not, and how this has affected my daughter, her daughters and our family in general.

Take my daughters case for instance. She has now been fighting for four years (and counting) to have access, (never-mind anything else) with her two sons #JoshandArchieMcKay,┬ábut the legal system is so poorly adapted for parents who have been forced out of their child’s life that it is worse than useless.

Her ex husband persuaded her in 2014 that they should drop the court case and that he would let her have as much access as she wanted with the boys, but instead of him living up to his promises it was yet again another one of his promises that he broke and that he lied about or was ‘persuaded’ by the bald patch that lives on the top of his head where a thumbprint remains in permanent position, that he should not be doing this. Whatever the reason it was a despicable thing to do, to both my daughter and her children, all of them.

The upshot of this was going back to the drawing board in her application for legal aid and legal assistance from a solicitor to help her fight her case, well here we are two years on and we are still trying to find a solicitor who will take on her case in her own area and still travel to Perth where my grandsons are ‘resident’ to fight.

The issues with this are that legal aid is now so hard to get for these types of cases that finding a solicitor to fight is almost second in the problem department, and then finding a solicitor with enough knowledge of Parental Alienation/Pathogenic Parenting who is prepared to travel to do the work is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Yes there are lots of lawyers out there who deal in ‘Family Law’, but they don’t actually deal with it in the way that is needed.

These are not excuses, these are reasons why we are still fighting to find the right lawyer who knows what the hell they are talking about when it comes to such cases. And my daughter is not alone, you only need to look at the many Social Media pages and blogs that are out there trying to fight this insidious type of child abuse, and yes it really is child abuse and that is the truth of the matter.

Our local Children and Families Department here in Perth and Kinross are as much use as a chocolate tea pot at a garden party. They have literally washed their hands of the whole issue, because to now admit there is a problem and that they made mistakes by stating clearly in black and white that the UN Conventions on the Rights of the Child does not apply to their office, would mean that they would need to take ownership of the problem and hey, admit they were wrong, but they won’t because they would lose face and that just would not do.

PKC have a tendency to try to wear you down, they send you letters filled with council gobbledygook which at times makes no rhyme or reason, and at others they take so long to respond that you’ve lost the will to live. We have been fighting with Perth and Kinross Council now for four years, for my daughter to even get the basic information about her sons education and achievements took two long years, that is just ridiculous, this is a parent who still has all of her parental rights they have never been removed or given up. And that is just the tip of it.

But I diverse, this wasn’t about Perth and Kinross Council, this was about how things are moving, or not.

We are still looking for that one solicitor, the one who understands what Parental Alienation/Pathogenic Parenting actually means and how it affects children, families and absent parents. We won’t be giving up anytime soon, and even if it means another two years of this so be it, we will NEVER GIVE UP.

I have spoken with people who have gone through this evil for more than twenty years, it never got any better for them, and it never, ever changed. That makes me sad to think that a child has grown up not knowing the love from that absent parent, siblings and extended family members, there can be no more missed holidays, birthdays, Christmases or Easters that these children can claw back, that they can share memories of or tell their own children about in future years.

Our little page is slowly growing, a big THANK YOU goes out to all our new liker’s, and especially to all of you who have remained with us on this journey, I hope you stay with us and keep the faith for us.

Life isn’t so cut and dried for those of my grandchildren I have the pleasure of seeing on a regular basis, they feel left behind, abandoned by their ‘father’ and his family who were in their lives for the same amount of years they lived as a family unit, and are desperate to understand what they ‘did wrong’ to deserve this, it is so hard to explain to them that grown up problems are the reason, not them.

We have said this before and I am saying it again, we never, ever stopped them then or now from seeing their dad or their brothers, they don’t want to see the woman he currently lives with, but if he wants to see them we have no problems with that.

I am throwing this out there once again Jay, you have a chance here to make this right for the kids, we have never changed our phone numbers, but I think you know that, we still live in the same place and I am positive that you know that too. You don’t need to deal with me, you can do it in many ways, we will even pay for the kids to have ‘supervised access’ at the center in Perth.

Whichever lawyer you are using right now can get in touch with our lawyer, we’ve never changed her either and arrange this, or you can do it through Perth and Kinross Council, but the girls and Jill are desperate to see the boys, Jill won’t take them away from where they are now settled, that would be too disruptive and hurtful for them, but they need to know that they were not abandoned or left behind, whatever the hate and anger you felt and maybe still feel needs to be set aside and you need to grow a pair and say yes this is the right thing to do and arrange it.

In years to come this page and all of the other social media pages I run will still be up, they’ll still be out there for the boys to see and read when they are older, regardless of the outcome, Jill, the girls and we, will never give up.

To my sweet grandsons #JoshandArchieMcKay you will always know where to find us, and you will always have a way to contact us, you are desperately missed each and every day. The girls and I were talking about arranging a holiday to Lanzarote, Josh you loved that last holiday in 2011 that you didn’t want to go home, it was the last family holiday we all had together, you have both missed so many more since then, such a shame.

To all you ‘absent parents’ or excluded siblings and grandparents out there, don’t ever give up fighting, do not ever just lie down and let it all roll over you, I know from personal experience how much these resident parents can attack you, how they can get away with hurling abuse and lies about you and at you without any recrimination from a Police Force that is supposed to protect people from domestic violence and abuse, I hope that these new laws on this subject are as good as they are supposed to be, because regardless of our situations, there are other parents out there only just starting to go through this whole thing and will be wondering right now what the hell just happened.

Don’t ever give up. We have other irons in the fire right now, hopefully something will happen sooner rather than later.

On the upside my daughter remarried a few weeks ago, it was a beautiful day for a beautiful couple, the only people missing were her sons, so instead we had pictures of them with us. There is always light at the end of the deepest and darkest of tunnels, and it doesn’t need to be the 2.45 express train coming towards you…..

H.O.P.E …..Hold on pain ends…..it has to or life would not be worth living.

Stay safe and strong….