Monthly Archives: May 2015

Special Days for Mums Alienated from their Children

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Mothers Day, Birthdays, and other holidays usually means for many people the receiving of flowers, gifts and handmade cards and breakfast of burnt toast and cold tea served up with lots of  hugs and laughter. It means celebration and gratitude and rejoicing for doing the job of being ‘mum’ 24/7 365 days per year, come rain or shine, but if like my daughter and you are alienated from your children by their father and his family and new partner, then your Mothers Day was a bittersweet experience and for some this just meant a day filled with misery and tears, grieving for the loss of a child that was still alive somewhere on this planet. Continue reading Special Days for Mums Alienated from their Children

Eight Tacticts Narcissistic Adult Children Commit Against Grandparents

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1. Rage – This is an intense, furious anger that comes out of nowhere, usually over nothing (remember the wire hanger scene from the movie “Mommie Dearest”). It startles and shocks the parent of the adult child into compliance or silence. Attacking actions and bullying behaviours are frequent.

2. Gaslighting – Narcissistic mental abusers lie about the past, making their aging parent doubt their memory,perception, and sanity. They claim and give evidence of their “past wrong behaviour”further causing doubt. The parent might even begin to question what they said a minute ago.

3. The Stare – This is an intense stare with no feeling behind it.  It is designed to scare a victimised parent into submission, and is frequently mixed with the silent treatment.

4. Silent Treatment – Narcissist Adult Children punish by ignoring. Then they let their victimised parent “off the hook” by demanding an apology even though the parent isn’t to blame. This is to modify the victimised parent’s behaviour.   It is nothing short of mind control indoctrination.  Narcissist adult children also have a history of cutting their parents and other family members out of their lives and the lives of beloved grandchildren permanently over small, inconsequential or made-up things.

5. Projection – They dump their issues onto their victimised parent as if the parent(s) were the one doing it. For instance, narcissistic mentally abusive adult children may accuse their parent of lying when they (the narcissist) have lied. Or they make the parent feel guilty when the narcissist is really guilty. This creates confusion, doubt and uncertainty in the mind of the aging parent.

6. Twisting – When narcissist adult children are confronted, they will twist everything around to blame their victimised parent for their actions. They will not accept responsibility for their behaviour and insist that their parent apologise to them.

7. Manipulation – A  tactic is for the narcissist adult child to make their parent fear the worst, such as abandonment, estrangement, rejection and withholding of grandchildren. Then they refute it and ask the parent for something they normally would reply with “No.” This is a control tactic to get the parent to agree to do something they normally wouldn’t.


8. Victim Card – When all else fails, the narcissist adult child will resort to playing the victim card. This is to  gain sympathy and further control the victimised parent.

Grandparent Alienation is Pathological Child Abuse

By Glenn Ross Caddy Ph.D., A.B.P.P., F.A.P.A.

drglenncaddy@mind-experts.com

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“There is no question but that unless there is legitimate (and verifiable) reason to prevent the grandparents and children from enjoying a complete family life together [such justification may be the true psychological pathology or physical abuse of the children by the grandparent[s], that the alienation of children from their loving grandparents by one or both parents is pathological and constitutes child abuse. This is simply because grandparents play an important role for the children in defining the depth and family and the support system of love inherent in the family just as uncles and aunts and cousins contribute to the breadth of the family surrounding the support, love, and well-being of the children. These people are far more than friends, they are blood and they are love.

Tragically, it is common with alienation that when one set of grandparents or both sets are the victims of alienation the entire family on at least one side is estranged and splintered. The children who suffer this alienation have no context of cohesiveness or normalcy in of extended family life. They do not learn or know normalcy and they suffer profound emotional consequences therefrom. I have treated people in their 30’s and 40’s who came to realize in the context of the therapy that they were the victims of parental [and grandparent] alienation and their suffering has ranged between confusion and unimaginable psychic pain and psychopathology.”

For my Alienated Sons Josh and Archie McKay

 

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For Josh and Archie McKay

 

 

 

 

I cannot grieve, you are not gone

You are not here, I’m all alone

I miss your smiles, your cheeky grins

Those little dimples on your chin

 

Ten tiny toes and fingertips

I felt your love at your first grip.

I held you tight within my chest

The closest love, the very best

 

I gave you life, you gave me love

And now you’re gone, there’s not enough….

Of smiles and laughter, tears and joy

You were my ones, my little boys.

 

I cannot grieve, you are not gone

You are not here, I’m all alone

My sadness darkens the lightest mood

Because you’re missing, from my brood

 

I cannot grieve, you are not gone

My life feels empty, and so forlorn

I miss you more with each passing day

And yet ….you are not far away

 

I cannot grieve, you are not gone

You are not part, of my happy home

Your sisters miss you, granny too

They send their love and hugs to you

 

I cannot grieve, you are not gone

My little boys I miss you so

I want to see you both again, walk through my door

With happy smiles and tears of joy

I hope it’s soon, my lovely boys.

 

©Jillian McKay 21st May 2015

Archie McKay’s 5th Birthday – another event missed

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I’ve stayed away from my Facebook and the website pages

weeks because last week it was my grandson ‪#‎ArchieMcKay‬‘s 5th Birthday. Needless to say we never got to see him, send him birthday cards or a present, his sisters never got to wish him a happy birthday, give him a hug, share his birthday cake or just be happy for and with him. But more importantly his mum wasn’t allowed to speak to him, she doesn’t know where to send him a birthday card or a present or just see him on his 5th birthday, which let’s face it is a milestone age for any child. Continue reading Archie McKay’s 5th Birthday – another event missed